my life, in brief

Before Toys

Many have asked that how did I come to the field of toys after having my sound educational backgrounds. Many think that it is because of my love for children, I came in to the world of toys. It’s not. It is because I considered myself as a child years before, it happened. In short, I would say, it is my quest for the best life, took me here.

I was just an ordinary ‘first bench first seat’ student who loved appreciation of teachers. I was the second son of a teacher couple, born in Thrissur, Kerala who always had a reference to my elder brother who was good in studies. Books were our best friends than toys or real life friends then. I took his path of Engineering without knowing what it is. The only difference with him came when I was diagnosed with a heart disease. I was forced to follow a medicinal life, my mother had the same disease.

By the time I completed my civil engineering degree, I was in a mood to become an actor/director in films. But only way I trusted then was writing exams. I did appear for a test in FTTI, Pune, but couldn’t get through. So I left. Also there was another reason. I got an answer to my lifetime question “how to live?”

I believed that words can lie, lives cannot. So I didn’t just trust words or books before getting it digested myself. I read autobiographies than teachings. I observed lives than their sayings. I loved to trust lives. So I loved to experiment in life just like Gandhi.

“Live beautifully”, said Mr. K.Basheer, former DDE (education), Malappuram, Kerala, and that life he showed in his life was a “life in tune with nature”, with raw food diet. He had initiated many reforms in the field of education then. I could quit the medicine life I was following till then along with my mother but soon found that “life in tune with nature” is not that easy. ‘Human to human’ relationships are more important than ‘human to nature’ relationship. We were not in support of my father and I was in the initial stage of my life without the support of wealth to live as my first Guru.

It was Mr. Bijoy Sir, one of the good teachers of my degree education, recommended the course of Design for me. I could get through in my second attempt, in good rank and got admission at IIT Delhi for Industrial Design.(2001)

The education environment there was simply great as we had an understanding head of the department Mr. L.K.Das who considered students as equals. We sat around a table without hierarchy and discussed or experiences in life in the first meeting itself. (It was like a Totochan experience, now I relate). He could analyze each student and guide them accordingly.

The first seminar I gave there was, “Who is scavengers”, seeing the sad state of people handling waste in Delhi. “Waste” was one of the troubles that haunted me in my life just like many. I couldn’t ever throw away anything just like that. What I did for the “waste” if I couldn’t find any use was, keep them in a space.

I designed a “charkha” (spinning wheel) as my first year project with the influence of a Gandhian friend Ajai I had found. Though I got one of the first ranks of that year, I was not happy. I could see that the very mad run happening around is creating troubles. I decided to quit the IIT life after the first year thinking of “living in tune with nature”.

But what I did was a mistake, return back to home, not “nature”. By “nature”, I was looking for a forest life then. Unable to find a forest life, I returned back to Delhi to continue the course. This time, I was not alone; my mother came with me, as an escape from home.

My guide allowed me some relaxations to see “Gandhi as a company” and “human being as a product”. But centralization of power itself appeared violence to me. I was the one against industrialization by the time I complete my post graduation in Industrial Design. I loved the de-centralized way of development, the Gandhian way and was first sent for a job at Wardha, Maharashtra in a centre for rural industrialization. But what I could find was industrialization itself is wrong. I left the job soon.

The best life one human could live is “do nothing”, I found theoretically. Best designer is Nature itself. I was inspired by the book “One straw revolution” by Masanobu Fukuoka, the Japanese farmer (also the author of “Return back to nature”).  The life of Vinoba Bhave and thoughts of J Krishnamurthy also had an influence. I tried to live so, but failed practically. A person with desires cannot live “do nothing”. If one expect something, need knowledge to get it. Unlearning everything will be suicidal. I also found some good “commune lives” like “Auroville” and “Siddha”, but one has to do justice to the way he/she has come through. So I continued to live with family.

Life went through major setbacks and experiments ended with the sad demise of my mother(2007). She was behind me as a source of truth and courage till then. I faced a suicide. But the faith in truth and goodness kept me alive. When I looked around, I found that I was not alone. I empathized with many people’s movements including Plachimada, Narmada, Koodamkulam and more and realized the need of constructive struggles. I was in touch with many friends who work for sustainable development and justice in different faculties of life but was struggling to find a living doing justice to myself and the world around me.

It is then life turned again when I was being called to Pune in 2011 December by Mr. Arvind Gupta, a pioneer in the art of making ‘Toys from Trash’. His name was familiar to me since childhood through his books and I had met him once at Delhi when I was studying there through Ajai, the Gandhian friend. It was an invitation to dub some of his toy-making films in to Malayalam, my mother tongue. With a little bit of patience and ability to see the quality of materials (not waste), can create wonders. I named this attitude as “Ahimsa” (word meaning: non-violence) with the influence of Ajai.

In a world of increasing violence, all our solutions to troubles are also of violence. Whether it is a mosquito or a terrorist, we try to kill and “solve” the trouble. Will it actually solve it? It rather “convert” the trouble to a more complex one. It’s like modern medicines that change the name of diseases to another. Any solution that doesn’t consider the reason of troubles won’t work. But when the governments itself are formed with violence, the solutions that give are also of violence. It creates fear and hatred among people to sustain itself. When it need to pay doctors it produce, how can they think of a world without waste! How can they work for a world with peace when they have to pay the army? Advocates and police will go jobless if justice prevails. What I think is professionalism kills. Only thing we, the people could do is finding answers ourselves and coming together when needed.

Ahimsa toys was a non-violent answer in many ways. It not only converted material waste to toys, but also converted wasted minds to working. It gives confidence to dead minds. From a state of waste myself, I restarted my life with children by conducting toy-making workshops. I could easily relate myself to children as a class of people, less realized or appreciated for their real qualities. I was glad to give myself to that deserving class, Gods itself.  Sometimes I sold the toys in exhibitions and streets too for a living. It gave me freedom and control over my life. I could leave other jobs and job searches. It showed me the path of KARMAYOGA I was searching for. I was not carried away by any Guru who has become Gods nowadays who are forced to justify any act of their disciples. Preaching and practice matched here. It was not like any yoga technique or ritual one follow for one’s own wellness here in the earth or for the life thereafter. I was able to do justice to myself and the world I live in. I was learning to live in the present along with kids without any technique. It was a beautiful blend of Art, Activism and Spirituality. It was a meditation and constructive struggle for me. It gave me like minded friends and life I searched for- a life in tune with nature. It is a good tool to rejuvenate one’s life and has the potential to give life to many in terms of employment too.

Toy workshops

Though I knew hardly few toys to make myself, I was able to conduct more than 600 workshops in Kerala, Tamil Nadu and other states because I was an understanding friend to them. I encouraged sharing and admitted mistakes too. I didn’t see them as “empty slates” and I admired their primary quality of innocence. I was not a “Mr. Know All” and what I only knew was “anything can be made” and “some basic lessons of making”. A child learning to walk can walk the around the globe I believe. I created interest through toys and answered questions. I gave space to learn oneself and learn from friends. I believe that we need to learn “NOT TO make” also. In my classes, one had the freedom to do that too because they know them better than me. They can join the rest whenever they feel so. We need to repair whatever wrongly made already. A creative person in heaven can convert it in to hell only.

The interactions itself were a group game of sharing with care. My intention was not to use them to solve all the troubles created by wrongly educated elders. My intention was to help them to decide on their future and give them basic lessons of self-reliance and sustainability. I wanted them NOT TO repeat my mistakes. I tried to take away gender and other discriminations too through toys. I try to bring socialism and some other good values of life through toys. Thus I was setting up an example of better teaching.

The key findings of these interactions can be listed as below:

The best thing about children is that they have less prejudice. They live in present. They are not divided in the name of caste and colour unless we teach them. They are open to new ideas and like to correct themselves. They are highly creative in their young days but as they become “more learned”, creativity decreases. Why? The answer I got is our education system. Our education system which discourage questioning and encourage slavery. Our education system which doesn’t give space to diversity. Our education system which discourage sharing and encourage individual growth and competition. This is the exact cross-section of how our civil society too. What the system need are slaves to run it. They need buyers for the market economy.

Children come to correct us. They love to learn. But adults like to teach. They don’t give space for children to learn and take away their self- confidence. They are not given time to digest what they have fed. Even the best food is poison if provided in a wrong time. In India, rich and middle class children are overfed and poor underfed. Thus, the toy-making workshops are in a way, a movement for justice. A movement for self-reliance and sustainable development.  I called it “Toy-Swaraj”.  (Swaraj: self-rule). It gives a message that “Our world is built by ourselves” and freedom is NOT something that can be bought.

thanks.